[This note was originally written in March 2011, in the time between WSU beating Virginia Tech and College of Charleston to secure a trip to the NIT Final Four.]
(First of all, let me just say that this is all in fun and is in no means meant to offend people. I grew up in church, and still attend church every weekend unless out of town. I'm by no means a Bible scholar but do have some knowledge (thank you Sunday School!), which led me to this conclusion. If you can't find the humor in this, then I feel sorry for you, and ask that you don't condemn me to hell. Thanks.
That being said.)
I realized on Sunday that Jesus is a Shocker fan. For one very important reason- Jesus is the original WuShock.
Think of it like this.
-Jesus says in the Bible at the Last Supper while breaking bread that it's His body.
-Bread is made from wheat.
-WuShock is also made from wheat.
So, by one of those fancy little properties that we learned about in junior high math, if WuShock comes from wheat, and Jesus is made of bread, which is made from wheat, then Jesus could quite possibly be the original WuShock.
This came to me on Sunday while watching the WSU-Virginia Tech game. Church was a little more empty than normal, since the NIT committee in their infinite wisdom, decided to televise the game during normal church hours. I, however, was streaming the game during service, thanks to the miraculous technology that is wireless internet. When the Shockers won on Sunday during church hours, I knew that God was a Shocker fan. And it just grew from there.
Further more, let's look at the rest of the Valley, plus some of the teams we've played this year. More proof that God is a Shocker fan and Jesus is possibly WuShock.
-Bradley Braves: You know who else has a lot of B's in their name? Beelzebub. Also, the Indian braves drank what they called fire water. You know where else they have fire water? The lake of fire in Hell. Just saying.
-Evansville Purple Aces: Aces could either mean like aces in cards, so gambling, which is a sin; or flying aces, which mean they've killed a lot of people in combat, which is also a sin. Either way, they're screwed.
-Creighton Blue Jays: It's Creighton. Everyone hates them. Let's just move on.
-Drake Bulldogs: Nothing really to hate here. But WSU still has the Jesus edge.
-Illinois State Redbirds: The Redbirds. Red as in fire. Fire as in Hell.
-Indiana State Sycamores: Sycamores are trees. Trees were chopped down to form the cross. They are the purest form of a horrible instrument of torture and death. Automatic loss.
-Northern Iowa Panthers: Maybe I'm wrong, but panthers are never mentioned in the Bible. They were probably kept out of there for a reason, and that reason still stands to this day. Whatever the panthers did back then, a grudge is still being held against them.
-Southern Illinois Salukis: Salukis are Egyptian dogs. You know, Egypt. Where Moses had to go to free all of God's people who were slaves. Also, the Egyptians had a bunch of different gods, which you know made God unhappy. The dogs were just caught in that crossfire.
-Missouri State Bears: The only reason the Bears won both games against WSU this year was because Kyle Weems looked sad, and God felt bad that no one would hug the boy.
-Nebraska Cornhuskers: Jesus' body was regular bread, not cornbread. Good try though.
-Virginia Tech Hokies: Hokies. Hoaxes. As in tricks and lies. Which were both created by the Devil. Lose.
Now, we take a look at a team who went in to the NCAA tournament as #1 seed who won't survive to the championship game.
-Duke Blue Devils: They have the Devil right there in their name. Do you think God is going to stand for that? No way.
So there you have it. Jesus, the ultimate Shocker fan, and possibly the original WuShock.
If I don't make it to the game tomorrow, you know that some called down lightning on me for being so sacreligious.
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